My boyfriend makes me small.

My boyfriend makes me small.

Question:

Dear Rita,

I would like to share with You my problems.

I live with my bf almost 3 years. Since a year and half our relationship became miserable. I won't write all the problems. What I wanna mention is he always brings me down. We work together in the beauty salon since 3 month now, and whenever some some good looking girl comes in he turned to be different, treats me like I'm nothing there, pretends he doesn't know me or makes fun of me with that girls,flirts. He's Arabic guy and I'm not. I don't understand his language fluently but I understand when he flirts or tries to get away from the salon with them in the way he's showing them way to washrooms or  parking. Most of the time I pretend I didn't see anything but if it goes to much we argue a lot and at the end he hurts me and makes me small or nothing.

(Sent by Leona)

Rita:

Dear Leona,

First of all you have to love and forgive yourself. You have to give to yourself all the love and compassion you can gather in your being. Separate yourself in two beings. One, it is your physical portion, who is going through all those experiences. The other one is your soul, your inner light who is always guiding and protecting you. Now imagine that this soul has been always watching and observing you from outside. And feel its compassion and love it has towards you.

Allow your physical being to rest in your spirit’s arms. Soak in its warmth. Receive all the love and all the compassion it has for you. Feel the motherly touch of your soul on your skin. And then, begin to love yourself just as it loves you.

It really doesn’t matter now your boyfriend’s attitude. What matters now is your healing. You have to love yourself so much that it creates a kind of energy around you that imposes respect from others. Nobody dares to disrespect or mistreat a person with such a great amount of self love.

This great power that is part of your being is telling you that you are enough just the way you are. You don’t need to change, you only need to open your eyes to the beauty and power of your own Self, and thus to be able to enjoy more of all this greatness and wonder.

See, as you love yourself more, things will improve in your life. And it will become natural and easy for you to speak up for yourself if you have to. But, in general, you will not need to defend yourself, to argue or to prove anything to anybody. Your energy alone will speak for you.

Right now, your boyfriend is doing what he knows will trigger a reaction in you. He is aware of his behaviour and of the feelings it stirs in you. And he keeps doing so because it is easy when you are the one against whom such acts are held. He knows you won’t fight. He knows there won’t be any consequences.

But as said before, you don’t need to fight. All that you need is a great shift in your consciousness. It is a shift that will make you positive and, thus, more self confident. And this creates a shield that nothing will be able to penetrate. And that is when that game will start to get boring for him.

The first thing I would say you have to do is to abandon the idea of good looking girl, like you mentioned in your question. Forget about other girls and about other people. When you state that a girl is pretty, you are instantly comparing her with yourself. And comparisons are a hindrance for your self improvement. Even if you say that you are just saying she is pretty, without comparing, your subconscious has already done the job of comparing long before you organized that thought in your mind and transformed it into words.

So if you practice ignoring people’s appearance and letting go any thought that has to do with how they look, you are training your subconscious to stop comparing. Focus on yourself that energy that you were going to use to judge. You are going to need to summon up all your Divine Power in order to do that shift, so nothing can go to waste.

Every time you compare yourself with another girl, you diminish yourself. This diminishment is reflected upon your energy, and people can feel it and might use this weakness to diminish you even more, like your boyfriend is doing. The moment a nice girl enters the salon and you notice her appearance, your boyfriend already knows you did so, and the scenario is all set for him to act. But all this is about to come to an end, because a new era is beginning in your life. Repeat out loud: “I open my eyes to the power and wonderfulness of my being! I become aware of it now!”

If you come to think of it, the said “good looking girls”, are often times more self confident than pretty. And self confident is something you can learn to be, but when you achieve this, you will achieve it in a much deeper level than them. The self confidence that comes from the self love is something truthful and really powerful. Now, the self confidence that is just in the outer layers, is more like a mask, a way of defense. It is like a fake self confidence, because from the inside the person is still hurting and hating themselves. But it does its job masquerading as the real thing. It does make an impression in people, making them desire everything this person has.

Dear Leona, remember the light that is guarding you I mentioned in the beginning of this answer. It is always there. If you ever feel it tells you to tell your boyfriend in front of everybody in the salon: “Are you seeing what you are doing? Do you realize that you are only embarrassing yourself?” and lose your job, do it. If you can just feel this light’s warmth upon your chest and you face, like rays of warm sun and this brings you so much peace that you don’t even care about anything, then do nothing and just enjoy that peace.

The point is, always remember it is there. Always take time to close your eyes and consult it. Be in contact with it. Take this first step, then love yourself and let go. When you least expect, you will have initiated a sequence of miracles in your life.

Much love,

Rita Cascia

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