My boyfriend makes me small.

My boyfriend makes me small.

Question:

Dear Rita,

I would like to share with You my problems.

I live with my bf almost 3 years. Since a year and half our relationship became miserable. I won't write all the problems. What I wanna mention is he always brings me down. We work together in the beauty salon since 3 month now, and whenever some some good looking girl comes in he turned to be different, treats me like I'm nothing there, pretends he doesn't know me or makes fun of me with that girls,flirts. He's Arabic guy and I'm not. I don't understand his language fluently but I understand when he flirts or tries to get away from the salon with them in the way he's showing them way to washrooms or  parking. Most of the time I pretend I didn't see anything but if it goes to much we argue a lot and at the end he hurts me and makes me small or nothing.

(Sent by Leona)

Rita:

Dear Leona,

First of all you have to love and forgive yourself. You have to give to yourself all the love and compassion you can gather in your being. Separate yourself in two beings. One, it is your physical portion, who is going through all those experiences. The other one is your soul, your inner light who is always guiding and protecting you. Now imagine that this soul has been always watching and observing you from outside. And feel its compassion and love it has towards you.

Allow your physical being to rest in your spirit’s arms. Soak in its warmth. Receive all the love and all the compassion it has for you. Feel the motherly touch of your soul on your skin. And then, begin to love yourself just as it loves you.

It really doesn’t matter now your boyfriend’s attitude. What matters now is your healing. You have to love yourself so much that it creates a kind of energy around you that imposes respect from others. Nobody dares to disrespect or mistreat a person with such a great amount of self love.

This great power that is part of your being is telling you that you are enough just the way you are. You don’t need to change, you only need to open your eyes to the beauty and power of your own Self, and thus to be able to enjoy more of all this greatness and wonder.

See, as you love yourself more, things will improve in your life. And it will become natural and easy for you to speak up for yourself if you have to. But, in general, you will not need to defend yourself, to argue or to prove anything to anybody. Your energy alone will speak for you.

Right now, your boyfriend is doing what he knows will trigger a reaction in you. He is aware of his behaviour and of the feelings it stirs in you. And he keeps doing so because it is easy when you are the one against whom such acts are held. He knows you won’t fight. He knows there won’t be any consequences.

But as said before, you don’t need to fight. All that you need is a great shift in your consciousness. It is a shift that will make you positive and, thus, more self confident. And this creates a shield that nothing will be able to penetrate. And that is when that game will start to get boring for him.

The first thing I would say you have to do is to abandon the idea of good looking girl, like you mentioned in your question. Forget about other girls and about other people. When you state that a girl is pretty, you are instantly comparing her with yourself. And comparisons are a hindrance for your self improvement. Even if you say that you are just saying she is pretty, without comparing, your subconscious has already done the job of comparing long before you organized that thought in your mind and transformed it into words.

So if you practice ignoring people’s appearance and letting go any thought that has to do with how they look, you are training your subconscious to stop comparing. Focus on yourself that energy that you were going to use to judge. You are going to need to summon up all your Divine Power in order to do that shift, so nothing can go to waste.

Every time you compare yourself with another girl, you diminish yourself. This diminishment is reflected upon your energy, and people can feel it and might use this weakness to diminish you even more, like your boyfriend is doing. The moment a nice girl enters the salon and you notice her appearance, your boyfriend already knows you did so, and the scenario is all set for him to act. But all this is about to come to an end, because a new era is beginning in your life. Repeat out loud: “I open my eyes to the power and wonderfulness of my being! I become aware of it now!”

If you come to think of it, the said “good looking girls”, are often times more self confident than pretty. And self confident is something you can learn to be, but when you achieve this, you will achieve it in a much deeper level than them. The self confidence that comes from the self love is something truthful and really powerful. Now, the self confidence that is just in the outer layers, is more like a mask, a way of defense. It is like a fake self confidence, because from the inside the person is still hurting and hating themselves. But it does its job masquerading as the real thing. It does make an impression in people, making them desire everything this person has.

Dear Leona, remember the light that is guarding you I mentioned in the beginning of this answer. It is always there. If you ever feel it tells you to tell your boyfriend in front of everybody in the salon: “Are you seeing what you are doing? Do you realize that you are only embarrassing yourself?” and lose your job, do it. If you can just feel this light’s warmth upon your chest and you face, like rays of warm sun and this brings you so much peace that you don’t even care about anything, then do nothing and just enjoy that peace.

The point is, always remember it is there. Always take time to close your eyes and consult it. Be in contact with it. Take this first step, then love yourself and let go. When you least expect, you will have initiated a sequence of miracles in your life.

Much love,

Rita Cascia

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I feel in doubt and confused about my boyfriend. Please, help me!!!

Question:

Hey , so im in a very confusing situation . It caused me a lot of pain but to begin with i wanna say my name is Andrea , and im a singer!  so I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. It all started so perfectly, he was literally all i ever wanted in a boyfriend, my perfect match.Super attractive which was a major bonus, definitely a ladies man !! after about 4 months things started to get really hard; he lived 45 minutes away from me, with no car . Our relationship basically consisted of drop-offs at the movies, dinner, and phone calls every night. The phone calls were the base of our relationship, without them, it wouldnt have worked . With just these phone calls, we fell so in love with each other. The way he was, I was too , and for the first time i didnt clash with someone i had soo much in common with . That love for him grew into the urge to see him more and more but of course, with no car, it was very very difficult. so the phone calls became almost a tease . 1 year and half into the relationship , we just about had enough of it n he decided to get a job so he can save up for a car to come see me more but in the meantime his cousin let him borrow his car so he can come after work . during that year and a half we became soooo overwhelmed with the situation that we would argue about anything and they would turn into breakups . always. we always got back together because he always seemed to prove his love for me every time we broke up and showed he cared .  Arguments also included stuff like me singing on the phone and him telling me to shut up in a joking manner . (everything about him had to be a joke and i loved that about him..sometimes until it got to a certain degree which it did. ) , also a female involved in his life that he had sex with in the middle of our breakup to later still be involved with her after there intimacy and our relationship (no sex just phone calls ). He would also just hurt me a lot without realizing it . so this job of his takes up 7-8 hours of his days 6 days a week  .( usually from 4p.m-12 a.m.)  so that leaves us little to no time to talk at night like we usually do. ive tried to talk to him about how all i want is to speak to him so it hurts me when he ignores all my calls and calls me only when he feels like it  . Its caused me a lot of pain because i understand how all he does is work so hes tired by the time he gets home and showers . But thats also not really fair to me right ? Especially if theres nothing neither one of us can do . i tried my best to ignore it until My friend had introduced me to a client to do some designs for him since i also studied graphics ...turns out hes a singer..like me ! as we talked more and more about music it was something ive never had with my boyfriend . every time i sang he really listened . every time i sang he joined in . every time i walked out a door , he was there to open it for me , he is the definition of a gentlemen. He turned into a very good friend of mine and he would call me randomly , i answered and our conversations were nothing but laughter, and good times. My friend told me that i should be with him so he can show me what it really means to be in a relationship with somebody that i deserved . (i always came crying to her every time i had an issue with my bf , she always understood.) This made my whole situation so difficult . Now this other guy is talking about having extremely strong feelings for me and is looking to really be with me but i told him i couldnt n wasnt ready so he agreed to chill out . a month later i ended it with my boyfriend because every night he was at work and promised to come see me but didnt or promised to call but didnt, they would turn into just nights of tears for myself so i felt like i didnt deserve to be hurting so much ; i should be happy in a relationship, and i was not . But then of course, as always , he poured his heart out to me  telling me how im his first love, he will never let me go no matter how hard i tried to pull him away, also how he knows that this is just a phase we can get through together , saying stuff like how i broke his heart and mentioned how the only reason hes working that hard is for me and how its for us so he can have a car to come see me  . He mentioned how sorry he was and how he didnt know it would affect me this much and that hed try harder to text me and stay  a lot more in contact .so at that point i was very confused and just started crying. i didnt know if it were just one of those breakups were he begs for me back or if those were genuine . they truly sounded genuine but then again maybe i just thought it sounded genuine because i wanted it to be . All i have been doing is crying up a storm . the confusion hurts . it really does. This other guy and i have still been talking and i feel like he gives me the attention i deserve unlike my bf and that hed be more of a gentlemen with me.. But i love my boyfriend and i find it so hard to let him go especially since we have something that is so hard to find whenever we are with each other . our connection is crazy anyone who is near us will be able to notice  .almost impossible to not notice our connection and what we have when we are put in the same room. we are like best friends in love with each other when we are together  ..what do i do ?please help me . please.

(Sent by Andrea)

Rita:

Dear Andrea,

Your relationship can work out, but in order for that to happen, you have to identify the game that is going on between you and your boyfriend and let him know, through actions, that you won’t be playing it anymore.

This kind of game can happen in any relationship you might have in the future, so learning how to identify and how to end it, is a lesson for your whole life. And you will always have to be aware of it, or else the pattern may always come back.

There are key phrases found in the account you gave me of your situation that make visible the roles that are being played in your relationship.

For instance, on the phrase: ”...saying stuff like how I broke his heart.” When you are trying to end the relationship he inverts the roles making himself the victim. This is the typical behavior of a controlling person and a strategy to stay in control. This is trying to put the other one in doubt about him/her own feelings. Remember, this is not for you to feel angry about him, but just for you to be aware that if he is acting in a controlling manner, is because you, on the other side, unconsciously, are accepting to play the role of the controlled one.

You can listen to what he is saying, but do believe always in your heart first. If you feel he broke your heart while you were only doing what felt natural for you, this is the truth of your heart. If he mentions something that you also did wrong, again your heart will tell you if it is fair or not, and you will have the chance to give your most sincere apologies. But only after you learn to believe in the truth of your heart, you can move to the next step which is forgiving. And for all this process to take place, you don’t even have to argue with words. That is because when you are sure of your own feelings and trust them fully, your attitude will change without you even noticing and, in a subconscious level, he will realize that, with you, he won’t be able to play the controlling game.  

”...how the only reason he’s working that hard is for me and how it’s for us so he can have a car to come see me.” This is a manipulative thing to say. Here, again, he is trying to make you feel bad about yourself and putting himself as the one who is losing something and you as the only one who is getting a benefit with his having a job. If he says that he works hard only to be able to come and see you, isn’t seeing you something that he also wants? Saying things to make it look like you are the only one interested, makes you feel in an inferior position and again puts him in control. Maybe it makes you feel better about yourself to believe that someone is putting an effort towards you. However, you deserve that someone puts an effort towards you without making you feel bad because such effort is being made. Otherwise, this would be a very high price to pay.

“...he didnt know it would affect me this much and that he’d try harder to text me and stay  a lot more in contact.” He knows what affects you, just as you know what affects him. And mostly because you had had this discussion before. It is very common of the controlling ones to not to commit by using the word “try”, instead of taking the decision of simply doing it. Also, with the word “harder”, he means he is already trying hard, but you are asking more of him because, supposedly you are so demanding, so he will try even harder because that was just not enough for you. Besides, he is talking about texting, which is something people will find any minimal gap in their schedule to do it when they are interested. And he knows that you know it, but causing you to think that he is not completely interested in keeping contact with you, is just another way of keeping control.

So now you know that if his declarations seem so genuine, is because they are genuine. He means every word he says, but if you analyse them, they don’t translate into love, they only reflect his controlling side. The important thing though, is that this doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or that he doesn’t have love to give out.

See, Andrea, the mind is divided. That is why the ordinary love, which is the love that comes from an ordinary person, as opposed to the love from an enlightened being, is also divided. From one side, he knows he wants you and this side does love you. His other side, on the other hand, thinks that, to get what he wants, he needs to be controlling. But this is not his essence. This is a behaviour that he learned from past experiences.

If you yield to this sort of behavior, you will be just feeding his ego, his need of keeping control. And yielding means something as (apparently) small as only believing what he says. Therefore, just focus on the fact that he is still with you. This is his only doing so far that means love towards you. All the rest, all the words put out there to control you, the unanswered calls, just refuse to take them. Tell your heart that you are not taking it. Then, from this moment on, you won’t mind them. And this not minding will make you feel at peace because even though those things did happen, they didn’t happen to you, they didn’t happen inside of you. From this moment on, you will have built a shield that protects you from the side of his mind that you don’t want.  

And if you are asking yourself right now if he will notice that change in you, you can be sure he will, and that can even make him collapse at the beginning because his mind is so used to have you playing the complementary role that he needs to keep playing his own. However, that is your love for him, and that is what will make him change and let his real essence shine.

As for this friend you are having, you will only be happy with him if you see it as a chance Existence is giving you of starting anew, and letting go completely the relationship you are having in the present. On the other side, if you still feel there is a very strong connection between you and your boyfriend, be total in your efforts of breaking the pattern that is been going on. You two have beautiful hearts and a lot to give to each other.

Love & blessings,

Rita Cascia

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How do I stop feeling so insecure in my relationship?

Question:

Dear Rita, i read your reply to someone that was having boyfriend

problems, him asking her to change her attitude and style. I'm in the

same situation but there's more to it. When i was a child, i was very

insecure about myself because i started maturing physically a lot

faster than my other classmates and was plump up to when i was 15, i

felt very ugly. When i was 16, i changed to another school but i had

lost 10kg after i was attacked with dengue fever. I started gaining a

little confidence and i also had my first bf but i got into that

relationship because i didn't really have friends and felt lonely. I

guess i was with him just to keep me company. He would say that he was

lucky to have me because i was beautiful and smart and kind but things

didn't work out as there was nothing in common. Then i had a guy

friend *bbb* that liked me but i was still with my first bf *aaa*. I

would tell my stories to bbb about my life and he would tell his

stories too, about his gf and all the girls he liked/the girls that

liked him etc. After awhile, i was with bbb because i liked talking to

him and felt comfortable with him. I was independent, i went out with

friends, i just did whatever i had to do and he did what he had to do

without caring too much because i trusted him. But then he started

controlling me because i used to talk to guy friends, he told me to

delete my fb, Whatsapp, change my number and bring him along if i was

going out with my girl friends. I did everything he said because i

loved him and wanted him to be happy. Now, after 19 months of being

tgthr, he tells me that he doesn't have any peace in his life because

i'm too clingy, always needing to talk, text, and asking him details

of everything he does, who's he with, i feel like i have no life

besides him and if i feel something is fishy, i immediately start

getting aggitated and anxious, even when he suddenly tells me he's

going out with his family or something, i get angry because i know he

wont be texting me and he'll say things that hurt me and call me

names, due to me calling and calling him, i call him around 100 times,

sometimes more, sometimes less. I no longer can go out with friends or

family because i immediately wish that i was out with him and i could

be spending time with him instead. I have lied to him about going out

with friends because i was afraid he would leave me. He threatens me

when i'm crying on the phone, when i'm sad. I call him because i have

nothing else to do and i just want him to tell me that everything's

going to be ok. Instead, he just says 'stop crying or i'll put down

the phone and turn it off, u wont be able to talk to me anymore' OR

he'll just slam the phone. It breaks me down even more knowing that he

doesnt care that i'm crying/sad and can just leave me alone. He says

that me lying about going out with friends is the reason he is like

this today. I am pretty much quite reserved nowadays and there's no

one i can talk to because they don't know the actual story. Sometimes,

i feel that he doesn't appreciate me and my love because he knows he

can get someone better out there. I feel so bad that he ended up with

me and i tell him 'you can get someone better than me, u can leave me,

u don't have to pity me' and he replies 'i know i can get better'. I

was always a happy child, i was shy, always sticked to my mom like

glue but now, i've become someone that i hate, ugly, disgusting, not

good enough for him (he never tells me i'm pretty, he never looks at

my face for more than 30 seconds) and when we're out and i see a

pretty girl that i feel he's attracted to, i look at him immediately

to see if he's checking the girl out and i start getting sad,

eventhough he doesnt look at the girl. There have been several family

problems also because my family doesnt approve of him but eventhough i

know i should let him go, it's so difficult and i get depressed and

crazy because i know i can't get better than him and he'll be happier

without me and he'll find someone better than me :( on the other hand,

i also hope that if we do break up, after awhile i hope that he'll

regret the way he treated me. i guess what i'm trying to ask is, is

this relationship going to work out, how do i stop feeling so insecure

and will i ever be happy again like i used to? :(regards, nadia.

Rita:

Dear Nadia,

You are the only one capable of giving yourself the gift of happiness, the gift of feeling good. Right now, you are putting your boyfriend in charge of your well being. You are giving him a burdensome task and he will never be able to perform it the way you expect.

Nobody can ever give you what you need to feel happy like you used to. That is because this happiness is still inside of you, but it is covered with layers of ideas. And uncovering it, layer by layer, so you can be in touch with it again, is your own journey. You are the only one who can do it.

First of all, you don’t have to blame yourself for having let your happiness to be covered by so many layers. These layers are made out of ideas and the ideas are everywhere. Right now, you have concepts and beliefs in your mind which are not even yours. They just came to you and you absorbed them, so now you think they are yours and, even more, you think you are made of them.

You noticed how you started losing your self-esteem as you transitioned from childhood to teenagehood. And that is normal. Because children, mostly the ones that are more sensitive like you were, will believe fully in what they are told and this includes ideas about themselves.

In the early school years, they start being overloaded with ideas of people with some authority who tend to label them in many negative and false ways. So, when they are almost teenagers all these criticisms are already builded up in their minds.

That is when their bodies start to change, the ego starts forming and they feel all the discomfort of not being who they think society expects them to be and that’s when they lose so much self-esteem. Therefore, you must know you are not the only one who feels this pain.

Look, it is good that you are trying to have a relationship, because now it is the time in your life to experiment with that. This very same relationship you are in right now, can work out. But what you do have to know is that this doesn’t have anything to do with your own inner happiness. You have to treat the relationship as something to enjoy, as something that adds to the happiness you already have, in opposition of seeing it as a medicine for your sadness.

Yes, a romantic partner can help you to get through things, to cheer you up and it is always good to share your feelings with someone who loves you. But ultimately, you must know in your heart that all the power you need lays inside of you. 

And that is because, in a relationship, if you want it to be serious and to work out for all the years to come, you must be ready to also give and give a lot and, in order to do that, you will need to be very strong. Your life companion is going to need you, much more than you can imagine. And, if you have a child, this child will need you completely for the first years. Then, after childhood, she will also need you through her teenage years and you will have to be ready to listen and listen.

Therefore, you have to know that you do have strength, and this strength has to be summoned right now to lift your chin up and uncover your happiness that you remember you felt in your past days. The fact that you remember the feeling makes it easier, so you will know when you are getting closer to it.  

The awareness that you have so much power in you is what will make you feel secure. Your boyfriend can’t make you a more secure person, no matter how many times he reassures you over the phone that everything is going to be ok. One day, he might tell you that, but that will be when you won’t even need to hear that anymore, because this will be the day when you will have decided in the heart to just let go. Once you let go in the heart your boyfriend and the need for reassurances, you will be giving him space for him to say what he feels instead of just reacting which is what he has been doing until now.

Also, you must know that love doesn’t know the meaning of such phrases as “you deserve someone better than me”, or “I can get better”, because the only better person is the one you don’t know. If you see them from far, they might seem better or appear more normal, but once you get to know people from close, you see that they will also have their own wounds to heal and another or several other issues. It is like a rainbow, that from far seems perfect, but once you try to come close to it, it disappears and you realize that all that beauty that attracted you was just an illusion, it doesn’t even exist. 

That is why, when you two start talking in those terms of finding someone better, you have to know that these are just ideas which you both use to torture each other but that won’t make you grow or take you anywhere because they don’t have any meaning for the heart. You are the best person there is for him right now because you are the one who is there with him and he is the best for you because he is still with you. This is the only reality there is.

You can put an effort to be strong and to listen to your heart and then find your inner peace and happiness. This is all you can do and this is what will make you better compared to what you used to be before. But you cannot compare yourself to other people because each one has their own issues and their own journeys to overcome them.

Your willingness to live and to be happy, and all the concentration you put into rescuing that inner child are what make you special. When you feel this truth in your heart you will realize that you are worth of all the good things you wish to yourself. 

Love, 

Rita Cascia 

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My boyfriend doesn’t seem to want to do anything with me anymore.

Question:

Hello,

I have recently moved in with my boyfriend. It is both our first place but he is from the country and I have lived in the city before and he is miserable. I find that when I am super happy on my own with the animal(dog and cats) and he comes home it takes only a few minutes for my mood to assimilate to his somber attitude. I always feel upset when he's around and happy when he's not. But lately he has been going and doing his own thing up to three times a week with out me and if there is something that we both like to do I have to nag him to do it. Which make me feel like a b- well, you know what. I really don't enjoy or have knowledge about cars and racing(which is what he does now) and I kind of feel dooped, because he said he was only going to be doing this once a week through the summer. I've told him these things and it seems to be good for a week and then right back to the same old thing. What am I supposed to do? I don't want to make him stop doing what he likes, but why doesn't he seem to like doing anything with me any more? Is this a normal amount of time for someone to be away from their committed partner(1 to 2 work nights from 5:30 to as late 11 pm and most of every Saturday) every week? I just feel like I would never do something like this to him and if I did that he would be upset. Maybe you could just throw out a few points of view for me as I have obviously been dwelling on this issue because it has not been resolved.

(Sent by Kellie)

Rita:

Dear Kellie,

There is a lot of sense in everything you are saying. All the reasonings you are presenting make it clear that you are right. It makes it clear that one should expect more companionship from a partner than what you have been having. Your boyfriend really seems to be leaving you aside to pursue his own interests.

And all this would put you in advantage if this was a legal dispute or a relationship between two business partners. Then, a judge or a conciliator would just declare who is right and the other one would have just to yield to whatever was decided and change his or her attitude.

However, you are talking about love. And love doesn’t have any rules. Love doesn’t know what is right and what is wrong. Love doesn’t work the same way as all other civil affairs, because it is not meant to be governed by the mind and follow its reasonings. Love lives in another dimension, and one should never try to understand it, but only surrender to it.

The mind is used to use reason at all times. And that is fine, because this is the way human beings can get their food and, therefore, survive. The mind needs to plan, observe others, apply logic to get what the body needs in order to keep going. It is like a tool, like an umbrella that you use when it is raining. But, what you need to remember, is that when it is not raining you have to put the umbrella away. Similarly, when it comes to love matters, you have to put the mind and all its logic away.

A romantic relationship can be so frustrating and hurtful. And the only cause for it is that people invariably try to plan love in the same way they would plan a meal, or an assignment, or something at their jobs. They try so hard to do it and utilizing just the same rules. And then love comes and proves how inapplicable these rules are and then they feel so defeated and puzzled, wondering what went wrong.

Naturally, it couldn’t go right, because love is a jump in the unknown. You can never plan it. You will never know someone completely. That is why all the judgements and expectations towards the other, can at any day, show themselves wrong. When you are in relationship, like the one you are in now, you have to know that there are no limits for transformation. But you have to let love flow unobstructed by the mind. And it takes just one, it doesn’t matter if he is aware of that or not.

Picture yourself as the fountain of love. Remember, love is not something like food that you have to ask for. You have it inside of you, your whole being is made out of it, as well as happiness.

Day after day, visualize it. And you will realize, by yourself, that all you want from your boyfriend can become true. But at the same time, you will understand that you wouldn’t like it, or it wouldn’t make you happy if you got it by the mind ways. This wouldn’t bring you happiness if one day you both discussed about it and, in the end, he admitted you are right and he is wrong, so he started acting according to what you expect or according to what is believed to be normal in a normal relationship, like you said yourself. This wouldn’t bring true transformation from the inside, it would be just a superficial change and you would still feel like something is missing.

Dear Kellie, you don’t have to compare your relationship to others and trying to raise it to a normal level. Remember, when it comes to love, there is no normal, there is no standard. Love is infinite mystery. Each relationship is unique because each person is unlimited. Even if you really tried to investigate into other couples you  know, you wouldn’t be able to find the ideal you are looking for.

And that is because again, the ideal is just something made up by mind. Reality is already perfect. Only the mind wants to ignore it and envision a perfection and seek it just to feel disappointed in the end, instead of enjoying what is already there.

You can, right now, declare yourself the most determined to be happy person in the world. And you will be it, doesn’t matter the attitude of others around you because, again, you are the fountain, you are the light bulb. And even if he doesn’t know it, your boyfriend also is. And if you project onto him your own thought that you fully believe him to be it, he will transform because he is also an unlimited being.  

And when things get tricky, turn back to your heart and surrender not to the sad feelings but to love and let it work its magic. Then, just tell yourself: “I will let love do its own thing.”

Love,

Rita Cascia

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