My boyfriend still lies to me and I am afraid of being cheated again.

Question:

Well, my relationship with my current boyfriend was a bit difficult. About one year ago we'd broken up because during the two years we had been together he cheated on me once and I didn't forgive him at that moment. One year after, we got together again. I feel we love each other a lot. He changed in many important things but he still continues to lie. He is only 21 years old, also are his friends and they are the same kind of person as his. They are not reliable. I could manage to keep them away from his daily life but still sometimes there are those internet contacts... Several times he got scared with himself and his attitudes that hurt me a lot and also himself, as this is hurting our relationship and our feelings. There is also my lack of trust, because of what I have gone through with him. We had many talks already but still he will only change or a few weeks, and then everything comes back to the way it was and always involving his friends. What can I do to be able to control my lack of trust that is well founded? Although the lies are small, they hurt inside. Can I do something so that he changes just as he did in other aspects so our relationship gets better? Did he change just because the pain he felt when I broke up with him for the first time made him more mature?

(Sent by Halley, in Oct. 28 2011)

Rita:

Dear Halley,

The small lies of your boyfriend are not helping the relationship, but your fear of being cheated again isn't either.

The idea of being lied to frightens you so much that it has helped to create a wall between you both. And the lies can only happen when there is a wall between two people. 

The wall was already there since the beginning, when he first betrayed you. You both put it there. Then you took him back, but that doesn't mean the wall has ceased to exist. The lies are just an effect of that wall being present. When there is no wall, there can't be lies, because that is when the souls cannot do anything else but mix together.

When your souls are mixed, you will see trough each other's faces. There won't be any need for lies, but also there won't be any need for questions or even talks. You will just be one.

Therefore, what you have to fight now is not his lies, but that wall that stands between you two. Your job is to figure what to do to bring you both together, to eliminate his need of hiding the truth and your fear of going through all that again.

During your whole boyfriend's life, he has felt he had to lie otherwise he wouldn't be accepted and that created a bad habit on him. That makes him behave like that even to people who love him the most, like you.

Now, you are a very mature person and you are his savior. Your role is to rescue him from a life of lies and to give him freedom. You are the one who will make him understand that being honest equals being free and that is what everyone wants in the soul.

This is when he will comprehend that telling the truth, gives you the chance to choose wether you want to be with him or not. And if he wants to be with you, he will have to make choices and you both will have to get to an agreement.

Maybe you will find out his friends are not such a bad influence after all. Besides, if you say he changed in many aspects, it is possible he is not easily influenced by others anymore, but still wants to keep the same friends. 

As you both grow closer, you will eventually end up loving the same things and the same kind of people.

Just remember that constantly trying to catch him lying and forcing him away from his friends and things he likes will just create a stronger barrier between you and him. And all you need now is just the opposite. All you need is to destroy the barrier.  

Visualize your souls dancing and mixing together. Tell him you want to be close to him, that if you ask for the truth, it is not to judge him, but because you love him and want to get to know him. 

Make him understand that he can have friends but before all, you both have to be best friends. He doesn't need to go through a breakup again to mature. The two of you can grow more mature together right now.

Just be sure in your heart that this is possible and take all this challenge as a great chance of the Existence to share love and compassion in your life.

Blessings,

Rita Cassia

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