I can’t choose between my boyfriend and a new guy. What should I do?

Question:

Hi, my boyfriend and I are together for almost 2 months. I was very happy with him, until I went to a concert and kissed a boy who I have liked since before. I don’t feel anymore what I used to feel for my boyfriend. I feel I still love him and that I couldn’t stay without him. But now we are fighting for any reason. For example, when we chat on the msn it’s awful. We talk about each other’s flaws and he really throws in my face what he thinks! And the boy who I kissed in the concert told me that if I was not already dating someone he would like to know me better ! What should I do?

(Sent by Letícia)

Rita:

Dear Letícia,

If you are very curious to know better a person even if you are with another one, and more yet, acts on that curiosity, that means you are still on a phase of experimenting, of trying and finding out what is it that you want in a relationship. That is normal, however, doesn’t mean that your principles can be left out.

Remember that you must have very strong values in you, and these values must shine when you have the chance of making them shine.

In this specific case of the concert boy, if you two begin to date, be aware that this will be a relationship full of karma. He will be always insecure about your ability of being honest and will fear that you might get interested in someone else and being unfaithful to him. That is because you started the relationship in these circumstances. And, in the first argument that you have, he might easily accuse you of that, what will hurt you so much.

Also, before breaking up with your boyfriend, you must consider telling him about the other boy. Otherwise, that will bring you bad karma. Because the soul always knows the truth and if that is not revealed in life, his soul will remember what is the truth when it comes out of the body and the karma will be transfered to your other life.

Therefore, the sooner you tell him what happened, the sooner you will free yourself from karma. And, if you decide to tell not only to pay the karma already once and for all, but also because you know you loved him someday and feel that he deserves your sincerity, that loving intention will bring good karma for your life.  

In case you resolve that what you really want is to forget about the other boy and to try to make your present relationship succeed, you also must be truthful, because again, your values must come first.

If you love your boyfriend, you will be giving him the chance of choosing if he wants or not to forgive and still be with you. And, once more, if you are really regretful, the loving intention and your act of heroism in telling he truth will create good karma for yourself, even he chooses to leave you.
     
Opting for staying with him while hiding what happened will only bring the negative consequence of the karma, which will have to be freed sooner or later. As you grow more intimate, your souls will be more connected and the truth will end up being brought to light. If you don’t get close enough in this life, despite of being together, the purification of the karma will be postponed to the following one.

Finally, there is also the stress that takes place in the mental level. Your subconscious will have to use energies to maintain two versions of the reality, what will make you feel fatigued, even physically, and won’t allow you to flow. And, if you make it conscious, you will feel guilt and remorse, what will also cause you emotional tiredness.

It doesn’t matter by which means he comes to know the facts, if through another person or if the day comes when he asks you if you have ever cheated on him and you will have to answer yes or no, the conflict will be more major than if you tell him now. Because the karma will have been accumulated  and will come with more strenght than if you decide to clear it now.
   
And at any rate, any person with a bit of spirituality knows that the truth will always be revealed. The Christian Bible says that, but any religion brings this teaching in some way.

An advice is that if you are going to talk about that, you should do it in a public place, because many times people act uncontrollably when they feel hurt. And you know that above all you must be respected.
      
The value of the sincerity must be very present in your life, and thus you will be able to expect the same from whoever is with you.

If you get used to tell the truth, the next time you feel the impulse of kissing another boy or doing something that you wouldn’t like if your partner did the same to you, before acting you will remember that later you will have to tell him. Because you know that keeping it a secret would bring consequences in the spiritual level (due to the karma) and physical and mental (due to stress and feeling of guilt). And right after you will remember how difficult it is to confess something that causes pain to the other person, and will come to the conclusion that there is nothing to do out there that is worth passing through all that later.

Now, what you have to do is to start being the most honest as possible and look for the truth in your relationships, being or not present the intention of making them stable. It doesn’t matter if you just want to explore or if you want to take them seriously, in both cases the truthfulness must be their base, because the truth is your essence. And, besides the situation where you have to occult or modify the reality to save someone’s life, you don’t have a reason to not to be your essence all the time.

Love,

Rita Cascia

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How will I have the strength to change if my boyfriend doesn’t believe I can do it?

Question:

Good Afternoon Rita,

I loved your blog!!!!!!!!!
My relationship is already in the end and I don’t know how to get it back, I don’t have strength anymore.. I’ve always lived a relationship with many demands...I would always demand a lot from him. Actually, I was always very immature and today I can see this big mistake...which I regret a lot because I had on my side a person who would do everything for me but with my attitudes our relationship started to cool off, because he was always there giving while I was smashing him from the other side, until the end of the relationship...we had spent 8 months apart, that was when he got envolved with a friend from college who I always believed that there was something between them. I won’t be an hypocrite saying that I didn’t get envolved with anyone else in this period we were apart, but the conclusion is!?!... we started dating again in november 2010. However, the expectations toward each other are now three times bigger. Me from my own side expecting things of him and him from the other side expecting things of me also. He has become very different, self-confident, acting cold toward me, choosing his friends over me, example: today it is his birthday and we are not going to see each other because he goes to college in the morning, works during afternoon and is a trainee at his own college at night. If it was before, he would make sure that we spent time together... afterall, it’s 4 years and 8 months of relationship and the person on my side doesn’t believe I can change... how then will I have the power to change?

Thanks.
Patricia

Rita:

Dear Patricia,

There is no pure water in the nature. If you want pure water, you have to boil it. Just as the water needs to go through a process, also you need to do it in order to change. Finding out how to cope with the distant behaviour of your boyfriend is just part of the process.

Look, you want to change, you want to be more tolerant and less demanding. This is a great change that has to happen from the inside out. This change won’t take place with a simple mind resolution, with some promisse made to yourself that you won’t act in this or in that way anymore from the first day of a given month.

If you noticed that your attitude didn’t help in the relationship, you must look at this attitude as something that comes from a wound that is inside you. You learned to act like that because maybe someone did the same to in the past. Or maybe you felt a very big rejection and today you fear it to happen again and the way you found to protect yourself was demanding things from the other person.

And you don’t have to blame yourself. That is just the subconscious. A child is like a sponge, everything you say or the manner you treat them are efficiently absorved and much probably will remain there for a lifetime.

All that was absorved will stay in the person during that life, unless the day comes when they become aware that something is not right and, therefore, the deep wish of changing arises. And, from this point, a sequence of acts and events begins, which can be long and painful, but which is also very beautiful when you see it from the outside, with the eyes of the soul. It is a transformation, a bloom, it is exactly like the impure water that becomes pure after boiled. And, although it might ache for the water to go through all that heat, all the effort is rewarded for what comes after.

And the most important thing you already have, which is the consciousness that that girl from the past is not the best that Patricia can be. The knowledge that she is capable of being more than that already exists. And the Existence is very merciful. The Existence is not even like a mother, the Existence is more like a grandmother, of those who pamper you a lot and make everything you want.  

The Existence gave you the chance of coming back and restarting from the beginning but, at the same time, She is a very wise old lady. She knows that you cannot be another person in the blink of an eye just because suddenly you decided so. She wanted to give you an approach to achieve this. And that is how it happens when someone has the desire of changing.

Your boyfriend feels that he was hurt and is acting defensively. And dealing with a person in such condition is something extremely tiring, it can wear you out. Several times you will feel like giving up, nevertheless, learning to overcome this situation is exactly what you need to reach the change from the inside out. This is the process that Existence assigned to you and, believe it or not, that was the easiest and shortest way that She could find. She contemplates all the paths that are available and, from these, She always chooses the smoothest one.   

You must always have in mind that all of this will envolve smashing your own ego. You will have to breathe deeply to remain patient, you will have to find the right words to say and sometimes you will even have to give the other person the reason even if you don’t agree. And all of that will make you another person.

Many people prefer to stay with their own egos. Many chose to keep being the same, to not to go through any transformation. But, if the desire doesn’t come from themselves, in some other life that will have to happen when they least expect, because all the souls are walking toward purification. And what makes you special, Patricia, is that you wanted to transform by your own will. You are ready to break your ego because you know that the way you used to be is not your nature.

Imagine a person you know who is very resteless, anxious, who talks way too much, who doesn’t allow anyone else to speak, who is always complaining about some problem. Now, picture this same person after a year, but now he or she is at peace, happy, saying only nice things and at the appropriate moment. You suppose then, that she had some awakening, that she must have gone through a process that made her change. And about this process, would you say it was something simple and that lasted only one day? No, as for the sake of having achieved such a significant evolution, something a lot bigger has to have happened to this person. It was something strong enough to sweep away fears, insecurities, childhood traumas, very deep wounds.

The process that is given to you is always of the size and complexity enough only to bring the transformation that you need. It is always an exact dose, never more, never less. For this reason, you must see this man as a master, as a guru sent to you to make you find your own essence.   

Now you know that changing doesn’t depend on someone believing if you can do it or not. Now you know that it is your destine to change and to be what you were born to be, which is light and total consciousness.

Love,

Rita Cascia

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Why is my boyfriend so jealous?

Question: I have been dating for 1 year and 3 months, I love my boyfriend a lot, but his problem is that he is jealous! I am aware of the commitment I have with him, and I show him I love him. I don’t understand why so much jealousy. In the last week I broke up with him because of that, I don’t know what I do now. I can’t deal with his jealousy that wants to manipulate me, but at the same time I don’t want to be without him. He is an amazing person, but sometimes he doesn’t know to be patient or understanding. If he call me in my cell phone and I don’t answer he keeps saying I am doing something wrong. All I wanted is his comprehension. We have talked many times, but nothing changed.

(Send by Jéssika, in Dec. 26 2011)

Rita:

Dear Jéssika,

Any means that use reason, like explaining and talking is not the right way to try to make better someones that suffers from jealousy. That’s because jealousy is separated from the reason. Jealousy is an irracionality, an inconsciousness. You can explain to someones why they don’t have to be jealous and perform actions to make them feel more secure. They can understand in the first moment because of the logic. However, in the very instant they feel insecure again, the subconscious will speak louder. The jealousness will come back in the same way you have witnessed before.

Possessiveness is a part of the being that is dormant. And the only way to take it out from such state is a very deep inner awakening. Because when you talk about uncontrolable jealousy, you are talking about very deep layers of the subconscious, that mix a bit of animal instinct with everything that the individual has learned from the society.

What makes human-beings different from irrational beings, is that the they have the capacity of making their instincts conscious and, regardless of these impulses, they can choose what to feel about every event and how to act.

The problem is, the goal of evolving and becoming each time more aware and conscious, is hindered by the society, that put so many ideas in the mind of the individual.

For example, imagine a young man raised in a certain country which society is mostly attached to patriarcal values, that doesn’t allow men to show feelings. Also, in which there is much prejudice about the feminine figure, that teaches that the husband has always to be alert because the wife can be betraying him and, if she really is, that would be his worst humiliation before friends and family.

Then what happens is that this young man is in a trip, doing some turistic activity and there are many people from different countries. So he notices that there is a dutch family in his group.

The Netherlands, like many other countries, is a country where the society is transcending basic need of survival, and many dogmas of the society as well. In this kind of society, many of its citizens have already moved their energies from the lower chakras to the heart chakra. You can notice that the energy of these places is more feminine, more directed to the acceptance, the receptivity and tolerance.

Anyway, what happens in that tour is that everybody is gathered in a swimmingpool in an activity of swimming with the dolphins. When comes the Dutch family’s turn, the five year old son is the chosen one to go first to play with the dolphin, everything under the trainer’s supervision. Right after, as soon as the boy approaches the little animal, the boy gets scared and starts to scream and to cry desperately. Then, he starts to agitate his hands and feet to swim back to his parents. That is when the father holds his son in his arms and, with a sweet smile, calms him down with a lot of affection and patience.

Later, as the other members of the family went on playing the games, the boy started to get used with the all the situation and also with the dolphins. He could already interact with them without getting scared and, in the end, he had got so familiar that he was even asking to repeat some tricks.

That is when another participant of the tour, a lady, begins to stare at the father holding the boy. She was really admired, because about ten minutes earlier that child was crying and now he was feeling all happy and confortable. And as soon as the father realizes the lady is curious, he turns to her and says proudly with a smile: “Yes, he is more confident now!”

The young man, who was since the beginning observing everything, started to think how beautiful was the relationship of this father with his son. And, what touched him the most was the comment that the father had just made, for it sounded more like it was coming from a mother.

He then recalls his own father and imagines if that situation of the little boy getting scared had happened with him in his childhood. His father would have punished him, he would have forced him to face the dolphin, as it would be inacceptable for a boy to be afraid of such an inoffensive animal. He would have made him to deal with the situation to show everybody he is brave and capable of doing things. He remembers his father wouldn’t allow him to cry or to show weaknesses.

This man feels then, that he wants one day to be like that father, so full of love and compassion. Nonetheless, little does he know that this will be a long journey. That will require a lot of energy. He will need to get in deep touch with himself and, yes, he has great chances of achieving it, because the real intention and the desire are already there.

But what is important is that you understand how much effort is needed to change something so intrinsic. Now that this young man has became aware and will start to try to change, is when he will see how present are the ideas that his father and the society in general inserted in him as a child.

For this reason, the first you have to do is to have compassion. Your boyfriend, like you know him today, is nothing more than a product of society. You have to see him like that in the first hand and try to look at his attitudes with understanding.

At some point he felt like crying, like admitting that he is fragile, but he was repressed. And this sadness kept trapped inside for a long time, but it has to come out in some way. And when it comes out it does it with a foul smell, like water when it comes out from an old clogged pipe. 

The sadness then comes out like jealousy and incomprehension, because this is how the past repressions of his father and uncles would come out too. So he grew up learning that a man just has to be jealous, because he saw men acting with their wives in the same manner that today he acts with you. But actually, this is just the way he learned to express the sadness he has inside. And this negative feeling form a wound that has to be healed. 

 

That explains why it is useless to talk about it many times like you have been doing so far. This is the reason why things haven’t changed a lot.

All the attitudes of your boyfriend have a root that are much deeper than the mind that is used to dialogue. That’s why these attitudes must be approached in a deeper level.

Look, not only him, but all the society is starved for love and compassion. There are societies that are more advanced in this path if compared to others, but everyone is still walking to arrive to the total consciousness.

Even if sometimes the society might seem satisfied in general, you have to know that it is actually begging from the inside for a little bit of affection and for experiencing at least once some true and unlimited love. That is why if you, Jéssika, wants to become extraordinary, you just have to choose to be total in the love and you will be able to heal wounds of those who are close to you.

It is ok if you ended the relationship, because life moves in different cycles and you are now preparing to the one that follows. Maybe it is going to be with this same person or maybe with another one, but it is going to be a new cycle.

Affirm to yourself that you are abundant source of love and healing power. Thus, whatever it comes in the next cycle will come in a superior energy and in a more elevated frequency. Because you have grown and evolved with all this experience and there is no walking back in the Existence.

Keep always concentrated in your truth, in your conviction, that you have the power to transform a critical situation in total love and acceptance. And it is the energy produced from this conviction that will cure someone’s injuries, not the words from the mind. Also this consciousness will give you self-confidence, which will be transmited to the other person and increase the confidence that they need.

Love,

Rita Cascia

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Can you help me to interpret these dreams?

Question:

I have been dreaming a lot with a man who wants to catch me but then he becomes a child, will you help me to interpret these dreams?

(Sent by Love of God, in Dec. 23rd 2011)

Rita:

Dear Love of God,

Of course I can help you to interpret your dreams. Let’s see: the one that runs after you means your biggest fears. At some moment you felt fragile and resistless before circumstances that were out of your control.

Your subconscious keeps memories of yourself being subjugated, places in a position in which you felt you didn’t have anywhere to go, without having someone to protect you or to rescue you from that situation.

The images that appear in these dreams are just the manner your subconscious found to help you heal this pain that still remains in you.

The figure of the child means incapacity of doing any harm. The child is docile and innocent, in contrast to the dreadful individual that follows you, which represents danger. And this intense sensation of fear of getting hurt or of dying is something you already experiences in some distant past.

The anxiety and the restlessness are still present. However, the subconscious knows that you can heal. That’s why it wants to show through these dreams that there is no reason to feel afraid anymore. This what you fear can cause you as much harm as a child can do.

And that is a very truthful message, as any dangers in your life can become as inoffensive as a child if you learn to understand them in this way.

Love,

Rita Cascia

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My boyfriend wants me to change, but I am already giving my best!

Question:

Hi, how are you?
I wish you could help me as I don’t know what to do.
I am 18 years old and my boyfriend is 20. We have beem dating for 3 years. At the beginning everything was wonderful, but now everything changed. My boyfriend picks on me all the time. I can’t even speak. Anything I say is reason for a discussion. He says that I have to change, I have even made a list, mas he doesn’t make me secure you know. It doesn’t matter how much I try, he never notices. The funniest thing is that he says it’s not even with him that I have to change that much, but with other people. We had a talk and I asked if I ever got pregnant if he would stay with me. He said that if I didn’t change he wouldn’t be with me not even with a baby in the middle. When I go to his house I stay alone practically the whole day. He spends more time with his friends than with me. When it is not the football it is the computer (games).
I complain a lot about his lack of affection, as he is not the best at being affectionate. I do everything to make him feel secure with me …
I always try to be a helpful girlfriend; I am very affectionate, I love to make him happy but he doesn’t help me at all. I just want to understand why he wants me to change if I am so helpful towards him.
Help me please. I don’t know what else to do. Sometimes I feel like breaking up with him :(

(Sent by Jennifer, in Dec. 23rd  2011)

Rita:

Dear Jennifer,

The first thing you need to understand is that all his boyfriend’s complaints come from the mind. And the mind will never be happy. That afirmation can sound disapointing at the beginning, but if you understand this truth more deeply, all your frustrations about the expectations of other people will not only be disminished,  but also eliminated.

See Jennifer, in order to find inner peace, you need to quit waiting for the day when your boyfriend will say you are good enough. Because nothing is good enough for the mind. Eventually, after some spiritual awakening and emotional growth, it might be that your boyfriend will get in tune with the chakra of the heart and will start to speak from there. That will be the day when he will say he accepts you, that you are perfect for him. And it won’t matter if on that day you were helpful of unhelpful, affectionate or indifferent, if you said or not the right word in the right moment. Because on that day, he will have left the mind.

When the individual is not in the mind, they simply stop judging and being demanding. They just accept whatever is there. They are receptive to everything Existence brings to them.

The truth you have to be sure about, is that if you met each other, is because Existence brought you to him. And you don’t need to do any effort to satisfy whatever you imagine that he expects from you. Because your being is already manifesting itself to him. You are there, happening to him at every moment, at every vibration of each one of your atoms of your body. Because of that, you don’t have to do anything that comes from you mind with the purpose of quench the desires of his mind. That would only increase his desires, because searching for more things to desire is the very nature of the mind.

  You only have to do what comes from your heart. Just be yourself without expecting that his recognition or his satisfaction will make you feel more secure.

Observe the following situation: in the first place, you feel insecure. The fact that you ask him if he would stay with you in case you got pregnant, is a demonstration of this insecurity. In the second place, because you demonstrate it through act or questions, his boyfriend knows you are insecure. He knows you fear to lose him. Now, there is the possibility that for him this is a comfortable situation. Many people feel good about the fact that someone is emotionally attached to them and that this person constantly fears to do something “wrong” that can make them fight or separate.

For these people is convenient to be in a relationship which its success or failure is the exclusive responsibility of the other one involved. Because they make the other one falsely believe that if the relationship comes to an end, he or she is going to be the injured one, as they make their partner also think that they don’t care that much if they continue together or not. Even if they like their boyfriend or girlfriend, and even if they know they would also get hurt with the break-up, they are so insecure and so fragile from the inside, that they want to make the other one to feel anxious for them.    

It is a way of self-protection. It is a mechanism to create a shell and assign to one, a mission that should be of both. When the shell is there, if a discussion takes place, all the protected party will do is to judge the other. Always, the other one, the supposedly interested in the relationship will be the one who didn’t act in the proper way. And it is easy to be sitting on a throne of truth, wittingly determining whether his partner’s behaviour is right or wrong. But the fact of someone placing themselves on this throne, reflects their own fear of being judged, their own self-doubt and will of running away from the responsibility.

Applying this concept on your case, you can notice that for your boyfriend is comfortable to be entertained with his own activities, like computer games, friends, football and from there to be judging your act and your way of being. But that is the moment for you to see that you need to feel self-assured enough to show him that he also needs to do something in favour of the relationship, not only you. Your self-confidence will remember him that if you split up, he will also loose and will also feel the pain. And this self-confidence you have to develop from inside out, instead of waiting for it to be given to you by someone else.

The way how your boyfriend must demonstrate that he cares by this relationship, is maturing and giving importance to your needs also, like knowing the time to leave the friends and the game to be with you. But to achieve that, you have to show him that you are not the only one who is interested. Create the necessary space to make him feel your value and how much you are important in his life.

Start from getting in touch with yourself, with your own feelings and concentrate your energies in flowing each day. Do only what makes you flow, what makes your heart happy, even if you won’t get anything in return, and your frequency will start to elevate. If your boyfriend is able to catch up with such frequency, also his acts will naturally become more elevated. Remember, the root of this concept is the supreme truth of the Universe and from there comes everything you witness in your life.

Blessings,

Rita Cascia

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