My husband complains that I am not taking good care of our son.

Question:

My husband and I have been fighting a lot. He thinks our son is very thin and says that it is because I am not taking care of him. Even the doctor, neighbors and friends say our baby is excelent, but he won’t believe it. We are aguing a lot, I don’t know what else to do. He takes offense at everything I say. I don’t want to separate, but everyday is harder to cope with so much mistreatment.

 (Sent by Mayra)

Rita:

Dear Mayra,

You and your husband know from the inside that the reason for these fights is far away from being the weight of your baby. There is a deeper root which is bringing all this conflict. And the root is the fact that you and your husband are distant from each other. There is a wall between you and him, that arose in a way not a lot different from the way it arises between other couples. And being naggy about the son of you both is just the way he found to try to break this wall, to get closer to you.

So, keep in mind that he is quarreling is not because of the baby, but because of you. The wall is there and none of you has the tools to break it. And the method your husband is utilizing, is just making the wall thicker.   

Remember that when a couple separates, it is not because one of them didn’t had the tools to put down the wall, but because none of them possessed them. The communication couldn’t take place not because one of them couldn’t communicate, but because neither one or the other knew to use the power of communication.   

Be aware that, if you leave your spouse and find another one, the difference won’t be great. Many need to separate and marry again several time for then to find out about this truth. And that happens because if you look more deeply, from the eyes of the spirit, you will see that people are quite the same.

In general, people are guided by ideas, prejudices, desires and fears, that is, by the mind. And the mind is a specialist in creating a wall between two persons and so, distancing them apart. That said, it doesn’t matter whom you decide to be with, while you don’t figure out the tools to keep the communication alive and to not letting the wall to be formed, or to destroy it when needed, you will be reliving the same cycle.

First of all, set aside the baby subject, because even if you make him gain weight, your husband will pick another point to criticize, as this is not the root of the problem. Quit trying to prove to him, through other people’s opinions, that the baby is fine. The next step is to concentrate your energies and get closer to your husband in the emotional and spiritual levels.

Something you cal tell him, is that a small child feels every emotion that flows between his or her parents. And, if he is really sure that this baby is underweight, this can be for the fact that the baby is absorving all the tension that is happening in the house and this is affecting his health. Instead of absorbing nutrients, he is absorving the stress and the anxiety of yourselves. So, you can say that if he, as a father, wants to contribute in any way to the baby’s development, he could start by being cooperative so the environment can become more peaceful.

In this case, it might look like you are admiting your son is underweight, but this is just a resource to draw your husband’s attention to his own behaviour, to force him to look at himself. When he realizes that his own attitude is poisoning the familiar environment, he will see that if he thinks something is wrong in the physical aspect, he has also his part of responsibility on that.

And all the rest you are going to say is not just a resource. The baby really is like a sponge that absorbs all the energies and feelings that are around him. For this reason you must use your communication as you have never done before to bring down this wall and make the energy flow in your house. For maybe now the baby is well, but this can have a reflection later, like in the physical or in the psychological level.

Try to meditate in the fact that your baby has a very strong love energy and if you concentrate on it and visualize that this energy  reunites you and your husband breaking all the walls, you will start to feel it becoming real.

This baby is unlimited source of love in its purest state. For him, you and your husband are connected, you both are only one and he loves you two in a total and simple way. As for a baby, his parents are the Existence. A father or a mother can choose to either love or not their child, just as a teenager or an adult can choose to either love or not their parents. Although, the same doesn’t happen with a baby. The baby will always love his parents, because for him there is nothing else in the world. The parents are the world, the parents are the Existence and, for this reason, there is nothing else a baby can do but love them.

And the energy of this such sincere love is all the time in your house, but the wall doesn’t allow you and your husband to see it. Even with all the fight and discussion, your baby will grow up and survive, because the human being evolved to thrive in much harshest conditions. Hence, remember that eliminating the wall is not for the sake of the baby solely, but also for the purpose of you and your husband not waisting the chance of growing in love.

When your son turns about ten, of course he will still be a blessing for the both of you, but the ego will be in process of being formed and that love energy won’t be so free and direct as it is now.

Consequently, the only thing you can and must do in this situation, is to invoke in yourself your healing and communicating abilities. Day after day, aim your energy toward flowing, in getting closer to this person who you, one day, chose to be by your side and to be the father of your child. That is the only way you two will be able to ultimately enjoy such a unique phase, which is having next to yourselves a being radiating divine light all the time, especially for you.

With love,

Rita Cascia

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