My boyfriend brings me down.

Question:

My boyfriends constantly wants me to change, like my attitude, he loves me, and cares but he brings me down almost all the time. Now, he wants me to change the way I dress up, my style, we've been together now for a year and few months, when we started dating I had this same style, I mean, a normal one, and even he has remained with his same style, he just wants me to change because our relationship isn't working this way and I feel very depressed about this, I already have a low self esteem and he just destroyed the few I had left. It's like he wants a different person, rather then me, and he says he loves me, and the thing is I love him too.

(Sent by Anonymous)

Rita:

Dear Anonymous,

The only one capable of bringing you down is yourself. This is the first thing you have to know in your heart. You had been judging and being hard on yourself for all the years before starting this relationship. Now, what your boyfriend is doing is just reassuring you what you have always believed in: that you should be another person, that you are not good enough and that you should change in order to be accepted.

It might be difficult for the mind to understand, but you are all the time living materializations of what you believe in your heart. So, first of all, you have to change your beliefs about your own being.

You could start by just loving yourself for simply being who you are. You have such a great heart, and this is more than enough reason for being proud of yourself.

There are so many people out there who feel pretty comfortable torturing others. They take pride on judging people, telling them what is right or wrong and making them miserable. And still, these people lay down on their beds in the night thinking they are good. Of course this doesn’t mean they truly love themselves. Actually they feel some sort of hate about themselves but being mean to others is the way they found to deal with that self hate. But still they are proud, and thinking they are happy because apparently nobody can bring them down.          

And this example doesn’t mean that the solution is to become like them, as this would just create a superficial barrier against other people’s hostilities and you would still be miserable inside. This example is meant for you to start looking at yourself in a different way. You are the kind of people the world is in so much need. People with a great heart and compassion. But these kind of people can’t shine and show their value if they feel less because society made them believe they are worthless because they are incapable of stepping on others. So, you have to be aware of the preciousness and importance of your qualities.

The world doesn’t need more politicians, more Nobel prizes or even more great athletes. Maybe the world has had enough of this. In other words, maybe people don’t need to see more egos trying to smash other egos. Maybe instead, people need to see examples of big hearts performing acts of love and compassion. So, if you are a sensitive person, and one day you were made believe that nobody needs sensitive people in this life and this made you feel less than others, know that this is all wrong.

You are a rare human being. You just have to know that. Everyone needs a kind and sensitive presence in their lives and your boyfriend is blessed to have you. This is the first thing you have to be confident of.

Look, there was this girl whose boyfriend used to put her down. He would complain about her style, about her weight and was always trying to change her. So they broke up and she eventually married another man. Then, one day, her ex wrote her to say sorry for everything he had told her in the past and she answered saying she was married and had found someone who loved her for who she was. Well, but what this girl didn’t realize is that at some point, when she broke up with her boyfriend, she decided to love herself for who she was and made the resolution that she would never be brought down by anyone again. And then she attracted this person who she ended up marrying. This means, the change occurred inside first, and when that happened, she found her happiness. She didn’t necessarily need to break up with the first boyfriend, but it is ok, because this was her process, this was what took for her to change her heart and begin to love herself.

So, if you love your boyfriend, and he loves you, you don’t have to break up just because of this issue you are telling here. Once you take the conscious decision of accepting yourself, he will begin to accept you too. It might take a while, but it is a beautiful process. For now, for him, trying to make you change is what love is about. He wants to make you perfect and this is his idea of love and caring about someone. But as time goes by, with you being loving and receptive, he will develop the true sense of love.

You can change your style as something you are giving to him, like a present, but always keeping in your heart the feeling that you are doing it out of compassion and also that this doesn’t really matter, because the style is just the shell. The style is just the stuff, just what is outside, but what really matters is what is in the hearts of both of you. You have to tune your heart until you find the point where the style issue is just a child’s game, something superficial and that you adopt one or another with the only purpose to have some fun.

You don’t have to take it seriously. Take it as lightly as you can. Try to not give it much importance, because this is not something that will last forever or that will grow. Only the love will grow in your life. Love is like those trees that won’t stop growing. And as love gets bigger, the style issues gets smaller and smaller. It will shrink to a size it will be almost invisible.

Celebrate yourself for being who you are. Forget about what other people have said about you, because they don’t know how infinite you are. Never limit yourself based on people’s opinion. Refuse to believe you are just a style, because you are not. There is an endless mystery inside of you, and unveiling it is a journey meant for you to love and to enjoy.      

Kindly,

Rita Cascia

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Could I have dreamed of my twin soul?

Question:

I would like to know if I ask GOD before sleeping to dream of a person who I think it is my twin soul and I dream kissing this person, if this is a sign she really is my twin soul. But in the end of the kiss it was not her, but an ex-girlfriend of mine.

(Sent by Janete)

Rita:

Dear Janete,

First of all, the soul which many call twin, is actually a complimentary soul. That is because on Existence there are no identical things and, if everyone has a soul which to them is correspondent, and the purpose of this soul is to touch them in such a way so they together can evolve, these souls cannot be the same, but they must complement each other.

Now, about your dream, your Superior Consciousness meant to illustrate the fact that you complimentary soul is not your ex, but it will still be revealed. However, at any moment you two may break up the relationship just as it happened already once with that ex.

The ex represents the rupture, the incapability of communication, of tolerance and compassion, not only yours, but of both. You declare to the Universe that you want to dream of your complimentary soul, and in the dream you feel she is already there and that everything is alright, but in the end she reveals herself as someone who is connected to the pain of the loss and the separation.

This shows that finding you complimentary soul, and remaining with her, is not only something romantic and pleasurable to the senses, but a responsibility also. It is something that goes beyond the good moments, it is something that also envolves killing the ego.

You wish to meet your complimentary soul in this life, and you can very well to do so, but this is no guarantee of a perfect life as a couple till death do you part. Many are able to find their complimentary soul, but there is so much ego and pride, so much karma from past incarnations, that happiness is not achieved in the present one. And even spending this whole life together or separating eventually, many question will remain to be solved in the next one.

There is a major mistake in believing that once you meet you complimentary soul all your romantic problems are solved. Many times, what happens is just the opposite, as this soul came with the function of a master to teach you to break your ego and transform your spirit.

Also remember that your complimentary soul in this life could be a brother, your mother, a friend, it doesn’t necessarily need to be a love partner. But in any of these situations, you must comprehend that being with someone, even being this one your complimentary soul, envolves transforming yourself and sometimes that can hurt.

Accept in your heart the teaching that the Divine Power in you wanted to reveal, as this teaching is a tool not only to your next love relationships, but to any situation in your life that envolves breaking the ego in order to grow and to evolve in the spirit.

Love,

Rita Cascia

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I don’t know what to do about my husband’s attitude.

Question:

Dear Rita, answer me please.
I have been married for 15 years and I love my husband very much. He is a responsable person, an attentive, loving father... Works a lot. I am not currently working.
I have been feeling sad on these days because I have found him to be kind of rough, rude, sometimes with me, other times with my children. Why would that be? We are practicant religious people, but where is our discernment, our maturity, our respect? One of these days, when he came back from his job I tried to talk, but he was so rough, so rude, that I just went silent, without an answer and after that I just cried alone. Lately I have been trying to deal with it in the best way I can, to avoid great discussions, but this is not making me well. I have forgiven mistakes out of the love that I feel for him, I silence when I think I should, but something is still missing. I don’t know until when I will have to keep silent about things to avoid discussions, as I know that if I discuss I am gonna lose. One day we are well, we love each other, the other day it seems that never happened, he is taken by the tiredness and doesn’t talk in a nice way. I know that if I try to argue I will lose because he thinks he is always right. There are times when I feel like spending the whole day without talking, but I know this is not good. Maybe I am too controling... So I wonder if I am the problem. He is a very good person but I have been a bit controlling yes , but I am neither rough or rude in neither the words or in the attitudes. I became a bit controlling because of a mistake he made. I forgave the mistake. I love him so much. He is so handsome for me. He is so smart. What do you think that is happening? The excess work doesn’t give him the right to change in his attitudes.
Hugs.

(Sent by Sad Person)     

Rita:

Dear Sad Person,

There are certain situations in life, when just trying to change and fix problems is not enough. These are the situations which, when facing them, you need to die and be born again.

Sometimes, the soul wants to go through such transformation, that it lays out some challenges in your life. And many people don’t have a body that is strong enough to endure this process and, for this reason, they end up dying of some kind of disease like a cancer or in an accident. Then the soul will be born again in another body, younger and more resistant, to keep evolving.

In other cases, the body is strong enough. It can bear the hardship because the strenght is in its genes then, in this instance, the soul doesn’t need to leave the body, it can continue its journey right there. However, the soul needs to breath a little, because as strong as the physical being can be, it becomes too heavy, with so much pain and with so many wounds, that the soul needs to lower its own vibration in order to stay there.  

Then you start to feel you don’t have a soul anymore, that the superior power that used to inhabit in you, which would manifest itself in the form of faith and hope, is gone. And it is not that it is gone or has ceased to exist, but this power have got mixed with the lower vibration of your body, so you can’t notice it anymore.

And it is in this moment when you need to die, even if just for a second, with the purpose of letting your soul go away from this plan, go back to the Universe and elevate its vibration for then to come back to this same human structure, which is still capable of living,

That is when you will have been born again. You will no more be who you now believe that you are. You will have broken yourself free from the ideas that shaped your perception towards yourself, because your mind will have died.

And now you must be asking yourself how you can do this, to let the soul leave and return. Well, the answer is very simple: everyday, close your eyes, concentrate in yourself and imagine that this light leaves your body, which, in its turn, becomes like an empty shell, like a turtle shell without a turtle.

You will do this practice day after day, until the day when you will feel that all of this really happened. You will be being born again in the same body, but in a conscious way.

Several times, if the soul wants to be reborn where it already is and the individual doesn’t do it in a conscious way, the soul will procure other means in order for it to happen. For instance, a person can be hospitalized and might have to take a general anesthesia and this will be the time when the soul will go out to come back when that person wakes up from the anesthesia.

When someone goes through any experience very near to death, or in other words “almost dies”, you have the same case. The physical being is too tired and the soul needs to go to the surface to take a little bit of air.

Trying suicide taking pills is a semi-conscious attempt of making the soul leave and come back, because many times, deep inside, the person doesn’t want to die, but they instinctively feel that they need to do something to make the soul come out and come back all renewed.

But of course this is not the right approach, as in several cases the person ends up dying even if the body doesn’t need to, or then, having sequelaes.That is why the completelly conscious way is always the best one. It doesn’t make sense to injure your body to heal it.  

Remember that the potential to manipulate your mind and your spirit is inside you. This is not the privilege of a few, as many believe, that just psychics, clairvoyants, monks, priests and healers can feel the spirit. That is just what one day someone made you believe.But, the truth is, that you not only have this power, but you are this power, as to be in harmony with the spirit is your essence.

Sad Person, in this moment your body is tired, wounded, without energies. But regardless of that, it still wants to live. However, it cannot live with this same mind, and neither with this soul so disminished in size and radiance. Give up, therefore, on wanting to change what is already there. Give up on trying to make this mind which is bewailing, to stop doing so. Instead of that, throw away this mind, get rid of it and achieve another one. And this will happen when your soul comes back to you in a higher frequency.    

All the changes you want to witness taking place in your relationship will have the space to happen, you can be sure of that. All the evolution will happen because there is still life. There is still these two being desiring to live, triving to follow the same path of their ancestors.

Start from now seeing yourself with this renewed energy, which will shed light on every dark corner of your house. And all the rest will come to you. The transformation will arise in a natural and unobstructed flow, for evolving and growing in love is the destiny of all those who chose to live.

Love,

           Rita Cascia

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My jealousy is ruining my relationship.

Question:

My boyfrien and I are fighting a lot, as I am very jealous and sometimes I can’t control my attitudes, and this is harming him and myself. I know he loves me very much, he already gave me many proofs and I also love him a lot. We have been dating for 3 years and we have already bought our furniture and we are even constructing, but the arguments are excessive, if it is not about me, it’s about him and vice versa. I wish I could leave him alone for a little bit. I worry too much about him, call him a lot, etc... I don’t know what I should do. He has even mentioned breaking up with me, what do I do?

(Sent by Nayane)

Rita:

Dear Nayane,

In the Existence everything happens according to what you expect and to what you don’t expect. That’s because for Her both mean the same. Existence only allows what you idealize, what you create, everything that is. Thus, the not something is the same as something.

What you don’t expect is what you expect in some level of your consciousness, because you are creating it, with or without the word no in front of it. Remember, the idea of the no exists only in the mind of the human being.

Applying this perception to your case, you will observe what follows: your attitudes are a reflection of your fears. You dread your boyfriend becomes interested in another person, stop liking you, hurt you in any way. So, unconsciously, that is what you expect to happen.

When someone feels fear, they use only a small part of the brain. They use only the portion that worries about what can go wrong, that is why they can’t contemplate all the solutions that are around. That said, the affirmation that the fear is unconsciousness has literal meaning.

If you create an obsession about what you don’t want to happen, you are directing all your energies to this part of the brain exclusively. You are forgetting to wide your vision about everything that you want to see happening and about what can go right.

All the time you are focused in fear and obsession, you will be entering the frequency of all the facts you don’t want to undergo, which are, betrayal, rupture, sadness and pain. You are automatically visualizing yourself living these situations. Your are creating something in the world of the ideas and, all that is in the world of the ideas has potential to become real.

And, if this concept has to be put in a less abstract manner for you to comprehend it, look again from far at your own situation: you are very afraid that your boyfriend leaves you for someone else, so you start acting in a controlling way. However, this makes the coexistence harder for the couple, what you already know. And it is for this reason that your boyfriend will want to split or to be interested in another person.

You attracted this for yourself for being in the same vibration of feelings brought by separation episodes, but also, put in a more concret way, your own attitudes generated by fear contributed to such event.

But the good new is that Existence is generous. She is an incessant flow of chances and more chances to restart, to shift your view towards life and, consequently, shift your life.

You can, right now, quit sketching in your mind what can come out the way you don’t want to. You can decide to believe in love; you can decide to trust in the Existence and you can decide to thank Existence for everything She has already brought to you and for everything that is still to come.

All these decisions will yield good results, because they will put you in the frequency of what you really want and deserve. And, if you want to concentrate in just one of them, concentrate in deciding to trust in the Existence.

When you trust in the Existence, all your fears are vanished. Because you know that whatever happens, it will be a blessing. You are sure that Existence is carrying you on the palms of Her hands, so there is nothing to fear.

Everything that happens will be a reason to thank and will bring something that will make it have been worth, as everything is heading to a higher purpose, which is the evolution of the soul and its transformation.

Therefore, visualize your being in the state of joy, sharing love with whom you love. And when a negative thought arises, declare to yourself that you have given up fighting, that you are already tired of resisting and that now all you want is to surrender and to give up yourself totally to the simple flow of the Existence.

With love,

Rita Cascia

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My husband complains that I am not taking good care of our son.

Question:

My husband and I have been fighting a lot. He thinks our son is very thin and says that it is because I am not taking care of him. Even the doctor, neighbors and friends say our baby is excelent, but he won’t believe it. We are aguing a lot, I don’t know what else to do. He takes offense at everything I say. I don’t want to separate, but everyday is harder to cope with so much mistreatment.

 (Sent by Mayra)

Rita:

Dear Mayra,

You and your husband know from the inside that the reason for these fights is far away from being the weight of your baby. There is a deeper root which is bringing all this conflict. And the root is the fact that you and your husband are distant from each other. There is a wall between you and him, that arose in a way not a lot different from the way it arises between other couples. And being naggy about the son of you both is just the way he found to try to break this wall, to get closer to you.

So, keep in mind that he is quarreling is not because of the baby, but because of you. The wall is there and none of you has the tools to break it. And the method your husband is utilizing, is just making the wall thicker.   

Remember that when a couple separates, it is not because one of them didn’t had the tools to put down the wall, but because none of them possessed them. The communication couldn’t take place not because one of them couldn’t communicate, but because neither one or the other knew to use the power of communication.   

Be aware that, if you leave your spouse and find another one, the difference won’t be great. Many need to separate and marry again several time for then to find out about this truth. And that happens because if you look more deeply, from the eyes of the spirit, you will see that people are quite the same.

In general, people are guided by ideas, prejudices, desires and fears, that is, by the mind. And the mind is a specialist in creating a wall between two persons and so, distancing them apart. That said, it doesn’t matter whom you decide to be with, while you don’t figure out the tools to keep the communication alive and to not letting the wall to be formed, or to destroy it when needed, you will be reliving the same cycle.

First of all, set aside the baby subject, because even if you make him gain weight, your husband will pick another point to criticize, as this is not the root of the problem. Quit trying to prove to him, through other people’s opinions, that the baby is fine. The next step is to concentrate your energies and get closer to your husband in the emotional and spiritual levels.

Something you cal tell him, is that a small child feels every emotion that flows between his or her parents. And, if he is really sure that this baby is underweight, this can be for the fact that the baby is absorving all the tension that is happening in the house and this is affecting his health. Instead of absorbing nutrients, he is absorving the stress and the anxiety of yourselves. So, you can say that if he, as a father, wants to contribute in any way to the baby’s development, he could start by being cooperative so the environment can become more peaceful.

In this case, it might look like you are admiting your son is underweight, but this is just a resource to draw your husband’s attention to his own behaviour, to force him to look at himself. When he realizes that his own attitude is poisoning the familiar environment, he will see that if he thinks something is wrong in the physical aspect, he has also his part of responsibility on that.

And all the rest you are going to say is not just a resource. The baby really is like a sponge that absorbs all the energies and feelings that are around him. For this reason you must use your communication as you have never done before to bring down this wall and make the energy flow in your house. For maybe now the baby is well, but this can have a reflection later, like in the physical or in the psychological level.

Try to meditate in the fact that your baby has a very strong love energy and if you concentrate on it and visualize that this energy  reunites you and your husband breaking all the walls, you will start to feel it becoming real.

This baby is unlimited source of love in its purest state. For him, you and your husband are connected, you both are only one and he loves you two in a total and simple way. As for a baby, his parents are the Existence. A father or a mother can choose to either love or not their child, just as a teenager or an adult can choose to either love or not their parents. Although, the same doesn’t happen with a baby. The baby will always love his parents, because for him there is nothing else in the world. The parents are the world, the parents are the Existence and, for this reason, there is nothing else a baby can do but love them.

And the energy of this such sincere love is all the time in your house, but the wall doesn’t allow you and your husband to see it. Even with all the fight and discussion, your baby will grow up and survive, because the human being evolved to thrive in much harshest conditions. Hence, remember that eliminating the wall is not for the sake of the baby solely, but also for the purpose of you and your husband not waisting the chance of growing in love.

When your son turns about ten, of course he will still be a blessing for the both of you, but the ego will be in process of being formed and that love energy won’t be so free and direct as it is now.

Consequently, the only thing you can and must do in this situation, is to invoke in yourself your healing and communicating abilities. Day after day, aim your energy toward flowing, in getting closer to this person who you, one day, chose to be by your side and to be the father of your child. That is the only way you two will be able to ultimately enjoy such a unique phase, which is having next to yourselves a being radiating divine light all the time, especially for you.

With love,

Rita Cascia

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My boyfriend ignores me and I became too demanding for wanting more affection.

Question:

Rita, I came across your site yesterday and just loved it. I identified myself with your way of explaining things. I your help so much. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year, but he is 10 years older than me. He is 30 and I am 20. He dated a girl for 12 years, who even married as soon as they broke up. He is crazily jealous about my past. He wants to throw in my face all the boys I kissed, he had a crisis in front of my house, slandering me out of his silly jealousy. His sign is aries, very explosive, and I am gemini. Our relationship was very good, he wanted to be all the time with me, everyday he would say he loved me and that wanted to marry me and have children... But after so many discussions our relationship started to cool down. Now, he comes here to my house, doesn’t even give me a kiss when he arrives and goes right away to the internet, since there is no internet in his house. So I started to invert the situation, like I read in your article, to stop pressuring, because all the times we discuss he says I suffocate him. But yesterday I got really upset, as he got here at 7PM, used the internet, didn’t even give me one kiss and left at 00:00AM without even having stayed with me for a while. So I couldn’t control myself, I did put pressure on him, so he changed his attitude and started being all loving with me. The things is that I wish it was spontaneous, not only for obligation (I felt the worst woman in the world). It seems that when I don’t act like that, he feels relieved. But also he doesn’t realize that I am on his side and he doesn’t even care. So when he was leaving I said: “Really, it is been 6 hours you are here and you just played in the computer”. EVERY TIME WE DISCUSS I HAVE TO GO AFTER HIM, BECAUSE HE IS SO PROUD, he doesn’t come after me. He says that I don’t give myself any value going after men (him). He says that when we fight I don’t have to be in his house right after, as he wants his space, but I think exaclty the opposite, that we have to solve it soon after. I don’t like to leave things like that for another day. He says I demand too much from him.
Honestly I don’t know what else to do. I love him very much, but lately he has been acting coldly, doesn’t even kiss me when we see each other. He says I am evil but he needs me.
Rita, I am very controlling, I must confess, but I love him very much. All I wanted is his affection, in a spontaneous, uncompelled way and to relight our flame of love.
If you don’t help me my relationship will be hanging by a thread!!!!
Please Rita answer me as soon as possible.
Thanks

(Sent by Nanda)

Rita:

Dear Nanda,

Rita could tell you that all the details of your boyfriend’s personality define an abusive character. And that you must recognize that in this moment you find yourself in an abusive relationship and you need to decide what to do about that. Also that some of his attitudes, like slandering and ignoring you, must be confronted, because if you allow that, this situation only tends to become worse.

Well, and these are really typical symptoms of the abusive personality. Uncontrollable jealousy, seeking closure, torturing you saying you don’t respect yourself for going after him, are behaviours that are capable of causing much emotional harm to any person.

However, what Rita would rather tell you is that you have in yourself the power to transform your relationship.

Nobody was born cruel. People learn cruelty with the society, from their own experiences in a given environment. And, if this person is acting like that with you, remember that this is not his nature. All these actions are only in a layer of the mind.

And what you are doing now is to act accordingly to what is in one of the superficial layers of your mind. So, what you have is two superficial layers hitting one against the other, fighting without any results. And nobody sees results simply because these layers have just to cease to exist.

If you two are able to break at least one layer, the most peripheral, you will start to see real effects. Because you will be one level less distant from your essence, the total and divine consciousness, which is God.

You can start practicing by breaking your own mind, for then breaking his, but there is a right way to do it. For instance, you cannot tell yourself: “I won’t pressure him, it doesn’t matter what he does, I won’t put pressure.” That is because the promisse of “not pressuring”, comes from the mind. You are still in the same level, just trying to walk in the opposite direction. That is why all the resolutions and promises are doomed to failure, because remember, what you really need is to go to another floor.

Now what you can do to eliminate the mind is to comprehend in the heart that there is no scarcity in the Existence. Scarcity is just a belief originated by the human being. They got so used with such belief, that this is what turns out to be their realities. And just as most people, you also believe in scarcity. You believe in the scarcity of love, care and affection and the behaviour of your boyfriend is just manifested in such a way to not to disappoint your convictions.

Hence, if you contemplate it from the spiritual dimension, the soul of this boyfriend is in fact pampering you, conceding you what you expect to receive. And he, in the dimension of the mind, like you, also believes in the scarcity of love and attention, because he does exactly everything he supposes that will draw your attention.

He needs love and have no idea of what to do to have it. The only way he knows is this that he is doing right now, which is not working, as it is creating a barrier between you two. However, he thinks that this is actually working, because when you look for him after a disagreement or demands more affection from him, this is the maximum he has ever experienced. He thinks this is the best he can have, because he has never experienced true love. He doesn’t know it even exists and much less what it is about.

You may feel true love for him, but your mind, taken by scarcity beliefs, is not letting this love flow. You need to remember that the Universe is abundant. All this Existence is, in this instant, overflowing with feelings of love, care, affect and trust. And from the very moment you accept this truth, you become receptive to it and all of it comes to you without you having to ask. All of it is brought to you in a spontaneous way, exactly as you would like it to be. Because after all, spontaneously is the only way how these feelings can manifest.

When you accept a truth of the Universe, like that the Existence is meant to give you more than you want and more than you need, you are crushing the mind. As the mind of the human being believes in the opposite.

And if you want to crush someone else’s mind, you must crush yours first. And then, you will smash and pulverize all that your boyfriend thinks he knows about you. You will act in a way he doesn’t expect, you will stop being Nanda to be yourself.

If you believe that Existence has more than enough for everyone and that you, as part of the Existence, is source if this bounty, you won’t be able to demand attention from anybody. And now you understand that this is different of a promisse, because in a promisse the mind is still present. Now the mind was eliminated by the supreme truth, which, from now on, starts to be reflected through your deeds.

Now you see that is not by chance that your boyfriend arrives at your home and goes straight to the computer. And all the other attitudes, aren’t by chance either. All of this is intentional to cause in you the reaction he hopes for. Because when you are going crazy due to his disregard, you are not talking to your friends or worrying about yourself. Your are dedicating you time and your energy exclusively to him, even if that is damaging for your emotional health.

When he says you are evil but he needs you, he is talking from his subconscious that, even if it has to be in a conflictual manner,  he needs you pressuring him all the time, as this is the only way he knows to feel that he is loved.

But this is the moment to show him that there is much more than that to wish for. That this is not how he will get the love he needs. When he behaves badly you have to make it clear that you don’t want to play this game anymore. He has to see that you have much love but it is not by you both doing what he wants that he will achieve to have this love.

It’s like a child who, in order to persuade the mother to buy a toy, makes a tantrum in the supermarket. If this mother wants to give love to her son, she can’t hit him as many think that is the right thing to do, but neither should she reward him. She must guide him in the sense of teaching how you should ask for what you want, of pointing out the best path.

And you must also guide your boyfriend for he is a child who needs a toy, in this case, your attention. At the beggining, he won’t like it that you are not playing according to his rules anymore. But not everything has to be about what he likes. You must also have your part of control in the relationship, but this control has to manifest as a tool capable of directing both to something deeper, more real and in consonance with the truth of the Universe.  

Blessings,

Rita Cascia

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